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It used to be that there was a one-in-a-billion chance for success.Now, there’s actually one in a million, but only if the people who utilized it were open-minded and sincere.Even those of us who would never use online dating sites will still often Facebook-stalk someone before a date.We take the Meyers-Briggs personality test and various strengths-finder quizzes in order to determine whether we’ve picked the right job.They have to stop thinking in individual terms and start feeling in rapport terms.Brooks calls this “the enchantment leap”—when “something dry and utilitarian erupts into something passionate, inescapable and devotional.” The algorithmic relies on the measurable, and thus most often depends on the physical, as Brooks points out.We do not see them as human beings: we see them as objects.How do we re-capture an attitude of enchantment, a qualitative rather than quantitative pursuit of love?
Quantification destroys intimacy through its rigid measurements of human beings: measurements that cannot encompass the inner intricacies and contradictions that make us unique.
But we forget, in the midst of our controlling, that it is absolutely impossible to eliminate all risk.
We forget that embracing our limits and vulnerability can actually bring us greater pleasure, greater adventure, and even greater closeness.
An increasing number of Americans are looking to social media and online dating sites like Tinder or OKCupid to meet potential romantic partners. They’re shopping for human beings, commodifying people.
In a Friday column, David Brooks reviews the data presented by the book People who date online are not shallower or vainer than those who don’t. They have access to very little information that can help them judge if they will fall in love with this person.
Online dating may have increased your chances of success, but it also increases the number of failures you’ll need to go through.